Word Up!

One day a computer came in with a minor fault, purely a software issue…

Now being that I am a professional when computers come in that are full of dust I generally clean them out with a can of compressed air or a brush on the outside of the box.

This Errol chap that I have referred to in previous posts I’m sure at the time had no idea that Static Electricity + RAM = BAD

I thought that cleaning a computer would be up to his level of expertise, however no… (A poor judgment call on my part).

There was quite a lot of dust accumulated between the RAM sticks, so Errol decided it would be a good idea to get a nylon paint brush and move it in-between the sticks of ram back and forth until they were clean.

Guess what? RAM = Dead.

Stay tuned for more Fasternet related TALES OF YESTERDAY!

One day Errol decided that he no longer wanted to rely on me to install Windows 98 as he thought this was a task he could do without an issue.

Now anyone who knows me will understand that I don’t take idiots lightly; I had one simple request for Errol… TAKE NOTES!

I went to the effort of getting him a pen and pad as I’m not one for showing people things more than once, maybe twice.

So I run through the whole process:

Check Boot Priority
Boot off CD
Creating Partitions
Formatting
Putting Windows 98 CAB files in c:\windows\options\cabs
(I didn’t touch on backing up files or locating latest copies of drivers)

Now I did this as a speed at which even a retarded monkey could take notes, apparently Errol was below primate level as he didn’t even smear faeces on a page.

Waste of 2 hours for me… He actually attempted it on another computer and guess what? Couldn’t get past the first step.

Stay tuned for more Fasternet related TALES OF YESTERDAY!

Once upon a time…

I used to work for an ISP back in the day called ‘Fasternet’ back in the ye olde days of dialup.

Whilst it was a good learning experience I worked for this gentleman called Errol and his wife Barbara.

Errol was (and I’m not over exaggerating at all) by far the most annoying person to work for.

It’s annoying when a manger craps all over your idea’s however Errol wouldn’t do that he would (unknowingly to him) manage to break everything without even trying.

The conversation between us would go like:

4pm - At work
Me: “I don’t care if there is something flashing on this screen saying TOUCH ME ERROL, TOUCH ME”
Me: “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT”

3am - At home, phone rings

Errol: “Well that thing you told me not to touch looked like it froze so I touched it, now no one can get their mail”.
Me: *sigh*

This was only the start; and believe it or not that piece of shit logo was actually on their website as a logo.

Stay tuned for more Fasternet related TALES OF YESTERDAY!

Ever feel not motivated to do anything at all? Seriously lately I just want to sit around and play video games and watch TV in bed all day (however unable due to financial, family and business commitments).

There must be some sort of stoner gene trying to work its way out of me… I have been having cravings for Doritos too…

So I am at work and I get this message from my wife about a bird being trapped behind our wardrobe… my first suspicion is that it may be our family pet Georgie…

However… no; it was the bird noises inside my wife’s head…

Chat Transcript is as follows:

Wife: There is a bird trapped behind our wardrobe…
Anthony: Umm, Georgie?
Wife: Nope
Anthony: Umm?
Wife: I can hear it, it flaps and swarks every now and then.
Anthony: How the fudge did a bird get in our house and behind out wardrobe?
Wife: I can’t see where it is.
Anthony: Well pull the wardrobe out.
Wife: It’s too heavy and it hasn’t made a sound for a while…
Anthony: Right, so I have to come home and fish out a dead bird from behind our wardrobe? How the fuck did it get inside and behind there anyway?
Wife: Maybe it isn’t behind there, I don’t know, I heard it though.
Anthony: Sure you did.

So there you go; I’m either married to a crazy woman (which I have suspected for some time now) or there is a bird-ghost or wall/roof/closet bird somewhere in our house…

So the day is coming to an end and a co-worker of mine is telling me that she is having a blood test tomorrow; and says “I wonder if they will question me to test for AIDS or anything like that”.

I reply with “When they ask you, say “Only blacks and fags get AIDS””.

And of course, the moment I say “Only blacks and fags get AIDS” and myself and the co-worker start laughing a client walks in.

What are the chances? The most politically incorrect statement of the week and someone walks in…

At least the person wasn’t black or homosexual, who knows about the AIDS though?! Might have really offended on that one.

The toucan would have to be the stupidest looking bird ever…

Seriously it looks like a bird with a strap-on attached to its face… this has to be the supreme non-denominational god head figures way of generating some laughs?

Stupid Stupid Bird…

Who knows? Maybe they are tasty and the beak is just what you use to hold them whilst you eat them, then it would have two purposes… 1, making me laugh and 2, built in eating handle.

So I went to court last Friday and I stood before the magistrate (after doing my little driving course) and asked to not have a suspension period “My attitude has changed, I’m a better person, I won’t speed ever again” and all that junk.

So little Miss Lady Magistrate (who by the looks of her I suspect she had bigger balls than me) gave me it back as this was my first “major speeding offence”.

So I have 8 merit points left and I intend on keeping them.

My record reads:

• Unaccompanied Learner
• Negligent Driving
• Not Displaying P Plates
• Under 15km over
• Suspension from P2 License
• Over 30km over (automatic suspension period of 3 months)
• Traffic Offender Program
• No suspension…

Just proves the system works; I have my license free and clear and all I had to do was go to a stupid once a week course for 8 weeks running.

I self represented and I had to pay a total of sixty dollars in court costs; totally worth it.

The course was mostly bullshit; there were a few handy things however 99% of it was totally irrelevant and a waste of time.

The main motivator for not excessively speeding again is because I really really don’t want to go back to that course.

I hate feeling like a criminal.

Once upon a time when my daughter was about two I went to Big W with her in the pram (without my wife) and she fell asleep… on my way out the bag inspector person asked to look underneath the pram which I didn’t really have an issue with… then he asked me if I could lift up my sleeping daughter to look underneath her.I said “excuse me?” he repeated it, I said “how about this mate… go fuck yourself”, I then proceeded to walk out then a security guard got in my way I said to him “you better move out of my way right now before I create a scene”.

Now after that delightful experience (which I suspect was because I am a young parent, just because I’m young doesn’t mean I’m a thief) I looked into what my rights were and what exactly I was obligated to do and not to do.

Just because a store has a sign that says “the conditions of entry to this store is that we are able to inspect your bags” is a total load of rubbish, you could put a sign up saying “the conditions of entry to this store is that you must suck the managers cock” and that would have just the same authority.

So some five years later I am in Rockdale getting my car serviced, I take a walk to the nearest shopping center and venture into a Big W store, I go in and decide to purchase two bottles of PowerAde as they are on special.
After paying for the PowerAde the conversation with the till monkey goes like this:

Till Monkey: I’m going to have to look in your backpack
Anthony: Umm no you’re not
Till Monkey: Yes, I’m going to have to look in your backpack.
Anthony: Sorry mate, I know my rights, I am not obligated to open my backpack to show you, you can call security if you would like however I am going to take my PowerAde now and leave.*Till Monkey grasps the bags tightly*
*Anthony reaches to the bags and pryes the Till Monkey’s hands off the Anthony’s property*After this I start to calmly walk out and the Till Monkey screams “Get back here and show me your backpack”.

I calmly walked out of the shopping center, security walked close to me and looked me up and down.

I’m not a criminal and thus I shouldn’t have my privacy invaded like one, nor should you either.

Am I the only one who feels invaded by this?

LAW, the LAW, Breaking the LAW!!!

We had a criminal lawyer come and give us a presentation on basic road rules, it was informative and handy.

My only issue is, this chap was only there to drum up business.

At the end of the session he says “Should you want me to represent you upon your return to court, give me a call to disguss fees and arrangements” (Also has cards at the front as well as a power point presentation with his name and law firms contact details).

Now I’m pretty sure that this program shouldn’t be used as the “bread and butter” for some parasite of a lawyer, he isn’t volunteering he is profiteering, I understand with his moral outlook on life being that he is a lawyer, this might be hard to see.

Maybe I should go to a rape victim support group and ask them if they would like me to charge them for counselling? Sounds disgusting doesn’t it? However it is essentially the same thing.